Water, a symbol for rebirth.  Today, the sky has poured out its tears, dumped its sadness into the laps of Dallas residents, and doesn't show any signs of letting up.  I know that tomorrow morning, when I wake up and stumble outside to walk to the fitness center and do my cardio session, I will smell the air, the aftermath of the crying session, and know that a catharsis has occurred.  Can't you smell it already?

I see my recent episode of depression as this same catharsis.  Days of tears have led into a rebirth of emotion for me.

I stepped into the gym today and benched 95 pounds for sets of 10.  You wouldn't think much of it, but when I was powerlifting, I did 95 pounds for two- and three-rep sets.  I've grown.  Yeah, sure...my muscles have grown.  That's obvious.  But I've grown inside.  I'm ready to step out of my bounds and discover the world, take a few chances, and achieve my dreams.

I've been kicking around the idea of doing tutoring full time.  The school year begins within a week or two after I return from New York, and I have a business plan all set up.  Once the ball begins rolling and parents begin talking, my schedule should be full.  I miss the classroom.  I miss providing tools to students for them to mold their minds, much like I mold my body.  I want to see lightbulbs popping up everywhere, eyes widening as the mind expands, and success being fulfilled.  I think this is the best route for me.  I don't miss the binding cuffs of the administration, but I do miss the joy of teaching.

One thing that has really helped lately is my friendship with Amanda Savell.  I've needed a girlfriend within the same city to lean on, chat with, shop with, prepare for shows with, lend a helping hand to, etc.  I have friends all over the country...all over the world, in fact.  And I could e-mail any one of them and have motivating words and virtual shoulders.  But nothing replaces a person's physical presence.  Amanda and I will be working out together once or twice a week.  In fact, I'm heading over to see her tomorrow.

The rain just stopped.  I noticed that suddenly.  The air is quiet except for the few drip drips of water off of the glistening leaves in the night sky.  Do you know what it is to be alive?  How lucky we really are?  I want to hold onto this moment, bask in the clarity of it, and carry it with me into the future when the rains come back.

Jodi