The mirror. A necessary evil in the bodybuilding world. A competitor must look in the mirror to diagnose progress and to determine correct form. Yet, if the reflection is not up to the standards within the competitor's mind, isn't the act of looking at oneself counterproductive?

That's hard to say. Take today, for example. I did a quick shoulder workout in the gym tonight, and found myself lost in moments where all I could see was the road between what I have and what I want. And then there was the finale to the workout. The posedown in the mirror. I struck a side chest post, and suddenly the vision of what could be sat in that reflection. Could it be my mind is playing tricks on me? Is what I see in the mirror in front of me accurate, or is it something I should distrust?

Either way, I liked what I saw in the last pose. My delts, engorged with blood from the reverse grip Smith machine press, the burn out sets of seated and then standing side laterals, and the upright rows, were nice and full. The striations were evident. The tiny veins snaked across the front delts. Those were the delts I wanted to bring to the stage in Chicago. Who knows if it would have made a difference.

I have two days of shooting with Jon Howard, and I want so badly to let you in on the secret of who is joining us on Saturday. But I can't. Well, actually, I won't. But you'll know soon enough. I am excited about the shoot. Jon and I have some new ideas, and I went shopping early this week to get a new pair of boots and some fishnet thigh highs. And you finally get to see my new hairstyle. Well, I guess if you played the video clips, then you saw it, but it wasn't really styled, and I was sweating, and I didn't have hardly any make up on, and I wasn't being a girly girl, so you couldn't get the whole effect.

Anyway, on Saturday night, www.usaglamourgirls.com photographers are throwing a huge party for the models, and I'll finally be able to munch on what I want! I've been struggling the last couple of days. I did a carb depletion and then piled in some carbs today. Well, "piled" is an exaggeration. I had three meals with carbs and allowed myself two protein shakes. I don't want to go overboard and watch my abs disappear. They are the first to show signs of water retention, unfortunately. Darn genetics! But all in all, I am pleased with my physique for the shoots this weekend. I didn't kill myself trying to get ready, but I didn't stray too far from the original plan either. I was 109 pounds this morning, and my goal had been 108 pounds, but I hadn't factored in the fact that I would be lifting weights with my quads again, and I know I've tightened up my glutes and put a bit more muscle on in that region. And I'm actually enjoying this fuller look on me. I'm just quite hungry, and to me that signals that my body is ready for a brief break. After 31 years, I'm finally realizing that I might need to listen to my body rather than ignore it, and this whole week has reconfirmed that my decision to refrain from stepping on stage in New York is completely the right decision.

I actually had a slight epiphany today in the gym. Slight! Lol! While other girls are dieting down for this show, spending the next three weeks depleting their bodies, I'm taking care of myself, thinking ahead, preparing for next year...getting a jump start. Wow! I amaze myself sometimes with the thoughts that manage to sneak by fears and worries! Lol! But seriously. Only two girls in my class will get pro cards. That leaves a whole slew of others who have to go back to the drawing table and figure out (ha!) what to do. I've already begun that step.

And no matter what I decide for next year, it will be the decision that makes me happy. I can promise myself that!

And on that note, have a good night!

Jodi