This morning arrived with a horrible case of cramps. I should be thankful that my cycle hasn't veered off course with the dieting and workouts. Many girls don't have cycles once they hit about 10 to 12 percent bodyfat, but I've been as low as 5 to 6 percent and still had visitation rights with it, much to my chagrin. And this morning reminded me of why I'm not too fond of it. I curled up in bed and moaned in pain for a couple of hours before the Advil kicked in and I fell to sleep, escaping any sensation. I weighed 117 pounds at 6:30 this morning. I awakened at 11:30 and weighed 114 pounds. I knew that my weight gain this past week wasn't entirely a result of the food I had been eating. In a week, I should be down around 110 pounds, and my goal for the shoot with Jon Howard is to hit about 107 to 108 pounds. I was 105 to 106 pounds for the Dan Ray shoot (the zebra dress photos), and I was extremely pleased with my physique in those.

I have to say that as I went through that disk from Dan, a few tears crept into the corners of my eyes. I realized how proud I was of my body on that day, during that week. I loved the look I brought to that shoot, and if I could have walked around everywhere in a bikini (you know, gone grocery shopping, browsed through the stores at the mall, filled up on gas at the station, caught a flight to Chicago), I would have meandered about with a smile on my face and pride in my heart. I think I would have captured a few too many stares, moreso than I what I tend to get when I walk around in tank top. The point is that if I had to choose between having those photos or having a top five trophy at the recent Junior Nationals, I would select the photos. I have enough trophies, but since I am constantly striving to improve my body, the pictures hold a piece of history in place and provide memories for a lifetime.

I traipsed back into the gym this evening for the first time since the show. With my body swimming in baggy sweatpants the color of limes and a huge Images of Venus T-shirt that Gene had given to me at one of the shoots, I walked over to the pull up bar and hoisted my body up. I've always been weak on pull ups and didn't do a whole bunch, but used the exercise as a simple warm up for what turned out to be an excellent back workout.

Lat pulldowns, shoulder width grip: 3 sets of 12 to 15 reps, though the last set was done as a drop set.
Seated rows with a hammer grip bar: 3 sets of 12 reps, really squeezing the lats as much as I could. I have used this bar for lat pulldowns but not for the seated rows and was curious as to how it would feel. I think I liked it! I'll try it again next week just to see if it's really working.
T-bar rows with an underhand grip and hands placed just inside of shoulder width apart (in other words, a close grip): 3 sets of 10 to 12 reps and 1 last set of 20 reps and lighter weight. This one popped into my head at the last minutes. I felt like I could attack the outer edges of my lats a bit more readily with this, and I always like reverse grip bent over rows, so I decided to experiment. It was definitely interesting.
One arm dumbbell rows: 3 sets of 15 reps. I'll do these again next week, but I'll throw them in as a beginning exercise and do very low reps and extremely high weight. At this point, I just wanted to burn the lats.
Hyperextensions: 3 sets of 25 reps. I have to be careful with these and not do too much weight. I have very thick erectors, and one of my friends mentioned that while my waist is tiny, my lower back is quite thick and detracts from the width of my lats. This is a result of my powerlifting days. I can do hypers with a 45-pound plate for sets of 15 at least, just to give you an idea of how strong my lower back is. So, when I do these now, I rely on just 10 to 15 pounds at the most and really squeeze at the top of the exercise and move in a controlled fashion.

While I had started the day off with a 35-minute session on the recumbent bike--five minutes normal pace, five minutes fast--and read several chapters of Dandelion Wine, by Ray Bradbury, I still ended up doing a second cardio session after my back workout.

In the evening, I walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill and played around with the incline selection and the speed. I remained between 8 and 12 percent incline and a 4.0 to 4.5 speed and took long strides and really squeezed my glutes. The entertainment for the night, once the screaming child and his father left the fitness center, was the latest issue of Oxygen with Davana Medina on the cover. While I was in there, a girl and her boyfriend came in, and she went onto every single piece of cardio equipment, trying them like Goldilocks trying bowls of porridge and the bears' beds. Except this girl didn't find anything to suit her needs, and she won't until she decides to fight against the easy way of making excuses. She complained about how she looked, but she didn't want to exert the energy exercising would require. Her boyfriend was patient, got onto every single machine after her, showed her how each one worked, and tried to convince her to get her butt in gear. Instead, she sat down on the floor, watched him push out a few reps here and there, do a few minutes of cardio, and then convinced him to leave. This took all of ten minutes maybe, and I continued to sweat my way through my cardio routine. I realized that I'm very blessed and lucky to have the will power, the dedication, and the love for remaining in shape and pushing my body past its limits. You cannot succeed in life if you aren't willing to endure a little bit of discomfort. It's like those people who climb Mt. Everest. I'm sure it's not a cake walk. I'm sure they huff and puff as the altitude becomes increasingly more difficult to handle. Their bodies become numb at some points, and their minds waver, but when they reach the top, the exhileration that arrives with the meeting of a goal makes every bit of pain and difficulty worth it. I wish I could have gotten this across to her, but as I know with dealing with my mother, who is overweight, you cannot make someone want to do something. You cannot hand motivation to someone like it's a dollar bill and tell them to spend it wisely. You cannot operate their bodies or their minds. In the end, we control ourselves, and when an individual really wants to achieve something, no one can stop him or her.

People who have found out I'm not doing the New York show have said, "Oh, now you can ease up and rest, right?" Wrong. While I realize that I have no control over whether I receive a pro card or a trophy at these shows, I do sit in the driver's seat when it comes to determining how my body looks. To me, the off season is when I really kick it in gear. No, the cardio sessions aren't as strenuous, but the weight workouts are beyond grueling. You'll see what I mean as I continue to describe my workouts.

I want to achieve more than what I have this year, and I'm not just talking about placings on a stage that remains as inconsistent as the weather in Texas. And nothing can stop me!

Jodi