It's a long one, guys! Feel free to take coffee breaks, naps, weekends, whatever you need. Just please come back from time to time and read the whole thing! Thanks!! :)

Have you ever wanted to extend the proverbial middle finger and say, "I'm doing this my way?" I know it's not the most ladylike action in the world, and it's one that I would rarely do, but I did it in the gym today.

I thought the instinctual training would work for legs. The word wrong doesn't even cover it. I started with hamstrings, seated leg curls. I have trouble with this machine in my gym because my legs are bit too short, and I'm just a little too small, so the pad doesn't sit properly on my legs, and my quads end up smashed beneath it. On top of that, when I reach the bottom of the exercise, the most important part where I need to squeeze the hamstrings and lift up through my chest to really target the muscle fibers, I can't because the ankle pad is resting along my heels rather than my ankles. It's frustrating, but I still went through it and just kept the weight around 80 and 90 pounds rather than going overboard, and I opted to increase the reps to 15. I supersetted this exercise with jump squats, no weight.

Four sets later, I was ready to move on. I thought I'd do standing leg curls and pair those up with straight leg deadlifts. But I couldn't find the ankle strap for the cables to do these. And when I asked the gym owner, he didn't seem to interested in helping me find it. Actually, ever since he placed third in a bodybuilding show that he took eight days to diet down for, he's been a bit unbearable to be around. Something about cocky attitudes really annoys me. But I veer from the topic at hand (like that's anything new...see, I'm doing it again). I felt distracted and irritated because my workout plan had to be changed due to something out of my control. I can handle change...just not last-minute change.

I knew what was bothering me ultimately. I couldn't figure out how to work hamstrings and glutes adequately enough and not incorporate the quads. Seriously! Unless you're doing glute kicks and straight leg deadlifts, any other exercise that involves the glute muscles will involve the quads. Why? Because the hip and knee joints are invariably involved when the glutes are attacked with resistance. Guess what else is brought into the equation? Yep, you guessed it: quads. But here's my dilemma. My upper body is too small and looks even smaller because my quads are so thick with muscle. On top of that, I carry fat and water in my quads moreso than any other single area of my body. This is my genetics. I've been fighting with this for three years...ever since I decided to really go for it in figure. And for three years, I have succeeded in downsizing my quads but not attaining the cuts and separation I desire.

So what did I decide to do? I did lying leg curls to focus on hamstrings first and then moved right over to the leg extension machine and began 50 reps. Do you want to know the weight I used? Do you really want to know, because I'm not proud of it! Ten pounds. Let me say it again. Ten pounds. I hit rep 40 and began to cry. This hurt. Not my legs! This hurt my heart. This isn't what my body was meant to do. I wasn't kicking up those 50 reps for me. I was doing this for some insane judge who doesn't think my physique is good enough for a trophy when I'm compared to other girls who have different genetics, different training styles, and different muscle maturity.

I did the last ten reps after that brief pause. Then I got off of that machine and tried it again. I'm not a quitter. I did the leg curls and then hopped back onto the leg extension (well, hopped is a bit of an exaggeration; I slid into the seat...that's a better visual, isn't it?) and began this repertoire again. I did quit this time. Ten reps and I realized I was bored. I said forget it. I headed right over to the squat rack, did 20 reps with just bar, butt to the ground, just to remind my body of what a proper squat is without sending my system into shock overload, and then yanked the 45-pound plates off the weight trees and hoisted them up onto either side of the bar. And so, with 135 pounds on my back, I proceeded to do 18 reps of solid squats with excellent form. And my heart opened up. I then added ten pounds to each side and did 155 pounds for 12 reps. A slight dizziness washed over me, and I didn't want to push myself so far that I'd pass out. After all, I'm still doing low carbs (1/4 cup of oats this morning and 2.5 ounces of sweet potato do not make for good energy during squats, heavy or otherwise; did I mention that I ran for 30 minutes this morning? That's a huge no no before squats! Any powerlifter would attest to this. Wait...powerlifters don't run, unless donuts or a buffet is involved.). I did a third set with 95 pounds for 20 reps, placed the bar back onto the rack, and walked away with a smile. My glutes felt hard again, my quads filled with blood, and I felt alive.

I then did some walking lunges with light weight and moderate straight leg deadlifts before moving on to 30 minutes on the bike.

I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I looked in the mirror and could swear that my lower abs had tightened up. I bring this up because I want you to read the e-mail I received from the head judge, Sandy Ranalli, today:

Hi Jodi,
I wish I had a crystal ball. You have wonderful lines. You just need more upper body especially chest and back. I went to your website and looked at your photos posted on 5/13. You present yourself well too. You need to tighten up your lower abd area too. If you enjoy competing do New York but then take the rest of the year off and come back to the Jr. USA in Charleston next year. If money is a problem then I would take off till next year and work on your weak areas. Again 12th out of 30 competitors with the quality that was at the Jr. nationals is really quite awesome. Please feel free to contact me with any other question. Good Luck.

I've been concerned about my lower abs ever since I began with Mike Davies. Now, I'm not going to bad mouth a trainer because every trainer I've had has added something into this mix of a physique that you see today. But it needs to be refined, and with Mike, he did some good, and he did some bad. The good is that he helped in bringing my legs down and my upper body up and more shapely. But neither were done to the extent or in the manner that I liked. Thus, I quit working with him two weeks after the Junior Nationals last year. There were some other issues as well, but those are private. Just suffice it to say that I had good reason to leave.

But a couple of things that really irritated me once I began looking at photos last year. My quads and glutes had loose skin. My lower back had loose skin. My glutes looked almost flattened out. My quads were not acquiring the separation I used to have the year before. My lower abs sucked. Plain and simple.

I continued training my quads similarly to how Mike had me training them, but again, it's impossible to target the glutes without involving the quads. And so I fought this dilemma this entire season and have suffered a few consequences as a result: still weak lower abs, which I didn't have in 2001 and 2002; loose skin in the lower back, along the erectors; loose skin and lack of separation in the quads, which I did not have a problem with in 2002; and some loose skin in the glutes, though not as big of a problem as when I was with Mike.

I also completely revamped my upper body training, and you can see that I made some significant changes. So here's my thinking: I quit doing heavy squats even in the off season when I began with Mike. At the same point, I lost the separation in my quads, lost the hardness of my glutes, and lost the tightness of my lower abs. Hmmmm...ding ding ding...the lightbulb suddenly turned on (it sometimes takes me awhile)! There must be a correlation.

Long story...well...long (sorry, guys), I brought the squats back in and by the end of my workout, my glutes were hard, my quads full, my lower abdomen tighter. My body reacts very quickly to weight training and diet, so I know that the squats were a significant factor in this, and I don't think it's my imagination...so don't call me crazy on this one. On other things, maybe. But not on this.

I have learned a lesson. Well, maybe two or three lessons. First, trust your instincts. Two, do what you love and don't sabotage yourself in order to please someone else. And three, I cannot train legs instinctually. I will be drawing up a seven to nine week plan that will focus on building the muscle fibers in my quads, increasing my quad sweep, hardening my glutes, and tightening up my lower abdomen. As soon as I have it drawn up (well, maybe a few hours after), I will post it on my journal and explain why I'm doing things this way.

Remember, I'm in off season training-wise. My diet is in season because of shoots, but photographers have always appreciated my legs, so to have them a little thicker than my upper body isn't too much of a problem. If I were stepping on stage, I would be stressed about this. But I'm stepping in front of cameras, and quite frankly, I'm stepping in front of myself and teaching myself some hard lessons.

I don't know what the future of figure holds. I do know that I control my future, though. I'm going to train my body for what I feel will look best. I still have to build my shoulders more and build my back, but once I've sculpted myself, in about January or February, I will examine my structure and decide at that point what show will be best for me to unveil the improvements. I would also like to preface that throughout all of this I will remain drug free. There's no question of that. But that's a whole other journal, and I'm sure you're blind or feeling dazed at this point, so let me end by saying that I had a good workout today. It didn't start that way, but since it ended that way, I can say that with a smile on my face.

Now, I have to head into the shower. And no more carbs for me tonight...not even that chocolate that's sitting on top of the refrigerator (in the "you can't reach this unless you grow six inches or feel like getting the stepstool, which is too much trouble when you're carb depleted and won't be worth the effort anyway, so just forget about it" spot...whew...that was a mouthful!). Willpower, willpower, willpower! :)

Jodi