In almost every edition of Ray Bradbury's novel, Fahrenheit 451, I can find a quote that starts the reader off on Montag's fiery journey into finding himself and doing what he believes in the most. It reads, "If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." Juan Ramon Jimenez is the author, and I have no idea who he is. I never really researched it, but if anyone can venture an answer, I'd love to know!

The reason why I bring this quote up is because I want to ask how many times do you go against the grain of society and do what you feel is right for yourself? When is it okay to step off the path of conformity and risk being ostracized in order to stay true to your own desires and needs?

There is a thread on one of the boards that I visit, Muscle Mayhem, that asks for the definition of femininity. I don't know that one can be presented, for isn't society in charge of determining the exact parameters for such an idea? And don't those parameters change as you move from one culture to the next and from one space in time to the next?

Am I feminine? I would say yes. My grandmother, on the other hand, actually uttered no about two years ago. She blurted out, in a linoleum-tiled, seventies-decorated condominium she was renting in Florida at the time, that I looked "like a man." I nearly cried. But instead I raged at her. Told her that the statement hurt and was mean. And while the statement really rattled me inside, I never quit doing what I felt was right for me.

Our choices really do make us who we are. I'm sitting here this evening thinking of cheating on my diet. I'm hungry; it's time for me to whip up some yummy egg whites, and I'm chewing endless pieces of gum so much so that one would think I fervently believed the Trident factory was about to suddenly shut down. I can actually visualize myself putting a hamburger, shoving a cookie, spooning ice cream into my mouth. I can feel the textures, taste the flavors. But...it stops there. This is my choice. And this one choice makes me stronger for tomorrow, for the next day, for next week, for next month, for the next show.

Every step we take makes us who we are. Where are your steps taking you? Professionally, I'm not sure where mine are going. I am currently looking for another job due to a boss that is so stuck within her own mindset that she will drown in her need for perfection, bitterness, and status symbols. I cannot succeed in the position that I took back in October, have even witnessed some promises being broken. I'm not happy in that job, and thus it's time to move on. But to where?

Many ask why I quit teaching. One reason was because I had lost some of my motivation and did not want to take it out on the students. Another reason was the politics and antics of the administration. I don't know that I ever fully went into this, but some of my bodybuilding photos were not looked upon kindly. I now have a website up and running, pictures everywhere on the internet. How do I stand in a classroom and receive respect and attention from students and colleagues when I've plastered my glutes all over the world wide web?

I guess this is where the quote comes into play. I have rarely been one to write within the lines of the ruled paper simply because the lines are there. I have always wanted to know why things are, how they came to be, and why I should follow them in that particular form. It drove my parents bonkers (still does), has ruffled a few feathers of powers that be in jobs because I don't...eloquent phrase approaching...kiss butt, and has frustrated a few trainers because I don't take training programs and nutrition plans blindly and silently. I am who I am.

My intelligence and capabilities had been questioned while I was teaching because of my looks and my hobbies. It's why I was stuck teaching ninth-grade and was only given one advanced class per semester. I had given an ultimatum my last year: move me up to eleventh or twelfth grade and provide me with a creative writing class or another advanced class or you may not find me here next year. I was told that they questioned whether I could handle the work because of my "hobby" and was also told that how I interacted with other teachers would be taken into consideration.

Being involved in bodybuilding tends to ostracize you because you are deemed as different. You are doing something that the general public does not wish to take the effort to do, and instead of being commended for it, you are sometimes punished for it. But it doesn't stop me from writing on the paper any which way I please. It's what has made me who I am today. And it's what will carry me into tomorrow.

That being said, let's get onto the stuff y'all probably actually want to hear: my competition prep.

I am now at 113 pounds. I'm doing cardio twice a day for three to four days out of the week, and I haven't had a cheat meal or food item since December 31st. The separation in my delts is beginning to appear, and the vein in my biceps is evident. My abs are beginning to come in, and my back is just freaky! I think I'm proudest of the improvements I've made in that area alone! I also fit into a pair of size 0 jeans that always cause some consternation when trying to squeeze my huge butt into them and then struggling to button them up.

My Ripped Fuel is up to three capsules a day. I have begun taking one before breakfast, one at lunch, and one before my workout. I will soon be mixing that with caffeine in order to increase my metabolism even more. When March comes along, I'll most likely be doing an ECA stack, which I have not tried before.

The almonds have been deleted from the diet for the most part. Flaxseed oil has taken their place, and I still have the avocado slices two days a week. I add them to a spinach salad with a bit of rice vinegar in the evening and include my protein as a separate dish, and it's one of my favorite meals besides the protein shake. My carbs are fluctuating a bit. Today I had a shake with 1/4 cup of oats and another shake with nothing added in and those were my only two meals with carbs. It was a lower carb day due to it being a rest day. I got my toes and nails done (pink on my toes, a light pearl color on my hands...y'all are just shaking from excitement with this info, I bet! Lol!), and that was a nice treat for me. Tomorrow I'll have three meals of carbs because I'm doing cardio in the morning for 40 minutes, doing a shoulder workout that will heavily stress my side delts in the evening, and finishing off with a 45-minute walk on a high incline treadmill. Lots of activity, so I need more energy!

My biceps are sore today. I did 21's with the barbell yesterday and dumbbell curls as well. I ended biceps with lying cable curls. This is my favorite exercise to do, and I was up to 70 pounds yesterday. I've done as much as 75, but I usually keep the reps in the 12 to 15 range and even do drop sets, so I don't always use a max weight. Triceps were okay. I struggle with skull crushers and keeping my elbows closer together, but I enjoyed the close grip pushdowns on the cable and even threw in an extra set for the heck of it.

The new Linkin Park CD and an old Alice in Chains CD are keeping me entertained and fired up in the gym. I'm loving my new CD player and have not had a bad workout since wearing it! Music does make a difference in my case.

But right now, the sound of sleep is music to my ears, so on that note (sorry...lots of bad puns), I'm off to eat my last meal of egg whites and spinach and head to bed.

I wish all of you a great week!

Jodi :)