“The center is not always the point of balance. When you find that place where balance is achieved, peace will result in all situations. There is no conflict, for everything rests without strain.”

—Daniel Levin, Zen Cards

In recent entries, I have discussed the instability of my mental focus. For a time, I was wondering if everything I’m doing to prepare for these shows was truly worthwhile. When a recent e-mail questioned why I spent so much time working out and inquired whether I shouldn’t provide myself with more freedom to do what I want, I had to sit and ask myself these very same questions. And the answer I came up with? Well, it wasn’t an easy task, but I finally realized that the point in which I achieve my balance may be quite different from where someone else achieves theirs. And I’m okay with that.

The first of the year will be barreling through the door before we know it, and the bodybuilding/fitness/figure in season will be arriving with it. You will soon see the true impact that competition prep has on an athlete’s life as I take you with me on my journey to the Junior USA’s in April. And you too may question whether it is all worth it. But just remember that each of us makes different decisions in our lives, and it is these very choices that make us who we are. You don’t always have to travel within the lines of society’s road. If you veer to the left or to the right more than others in front of you or behind you, it doesn’t mean that you will end up in a ditch. You just might find a whole new adventure, new scenery, and new options . . . and that sense of balance for which we all seem to search.

Okay, enough seriousness. I watched the Women’s Physique World video that was taped back in August at a New Jersey gym. I will tell you right now that it is worth getting, and no, WPW is not paying me to say that, and I do not get any of the proceeds from that video. But if you want to see me lifting a few weights and you want a true sense of just how tiny (and yet strong) I am, this is the best way to do it (well, you could attend one of my shows in 2004 and cheer so loudly that the judges won’t be able to think straight and then I’ll finally get my pro card!). I go head to head with a national-level lightweight bodybuilder and really hold my own against Lindsay, who outweighs me by at least 20 pounds.

I must say, though, that I had a good laugh while watching this video. I’ve never seen myself lift weights and have never witnessed how I conduct myself in a photo shoot. But I came to this conclusion: I am a dork. Plain and simple. No getting around it.

But it was motivating watching the video. I could look at my physique and see what areas needed improvement. For example, my back definitely needs to be wider and thicker, and I’m achieving that. I saw a new little bump and line in my upper back just tonight, and I’m very excited about that! Also, by working with Mike Davies, I sacrificed a lot of muscle in my glutes in order to drop the muscle in my quads, and while that needed to be done to some extent, I can see that it occurred just a bit too much. I’m fixing that now. Also, my abs sucked. Now, I did eat a cheeseburger, fries, and some of my homemade cookies (along with some of the other girls’ homemade goodies) the night before the shoot. So that definitely created some smoothness in the ab and glute regions. But I really struggled with my lower abs throughout all the shows in 2003, and I attribute some of that to Mike’s insistence on having glutamine during my last week before the shows and on eating a red apple every day even though I felt it bloated me. But you live and you learn, and we’ll see what happens in 2004 with some of these items taken care of. I’ll be taking you through some of these details as the weeks go on. You’ll see how even the tiniest of matters can make all the difference in the world.

Anyway, I ramble, as usual. I enjoyed the tape. It was entertaining and gave me a good laugh, but it also helped me to remain focused. I’ll return to it several times before stepping on stage again in April, and if you get a chance to view, please start a thread on the board and let me know what opinions you have. There is an interview at the end of the video, and I seem to talk almost as much as I write. You have my heartfelt permission to press the mute button or the stop button and shut me up! Lol!

Okay, I’m off to cook my meals for tomorrow. I just started the Ripped Fuel capsules this weekend, so that’s a sign that the in season is just around the corner. New Year’s Eve will probably be my last all out cheat meal just for the heck of cheating. And I’ll be back on the two-a-days in just one week. My sprints started back up last week, and I bought two new pairs of tennis shoes to help keep my shins from hurting. I was in a bit of pain over the weekend after running in last season’s shoes that have lost their cushioning. My ankles, shins, calves, and knees were in tatters!

I did shoulders this afternoon and have legs tomorrow. I’ll detail the workouts when I come home from the gym tomorrow evening. In the meantime, enjoy your work week or your vacation and be thinking of those resolutions! I know I’ve made mine!

Jodi