I'm a day late, and I do apologize for that! I usually try to do this on Sundays, but I lost track of time, and next thing I knew I had egg whites to crack, ground turkey to cook, almonds to package up, and gym clothes to pack.

I hit a bit of a slump this off season, and I discussed that in my last entry. I'd like to share a poem with you that I wrote the end of the week. It seemed to act as a catharsis, and my motivation has sprung back into action. I don't know that I want to post it to the writings section because it is still in rough draft form, and it is quite depressing if you only take it at face value.

One Season

I bend and twist and try desperately not to break
I fight against winds rushing past, threatening my resolve
My leaves fall and disintegrate beneath my roots
And still I stand tall

My bark is brittle, my wood scratched.
My limbs are empty, my branches have cracked
I look about and see brown patches
And I think of life
And death
And my own existence.

I want to sit
I want to rest
I want to think
I want to dream
I want to create
I want to grow

Under heavy rains I droop
Amidst immense heat, I struggle
Within the scrutiny of owners’ eyes, I nearly fall
I cannot bear to look at myself
I am not what I was six months ago

Year after year, a cycle continues
My desperation is clear
Attention from the sun is what I desire
The feel of new buds bursting from my tough skin
A new life, a new start, a new reality

And yet,
I just want to know
How to live for today
And not wait for tomorrow.

I'm sure everyone has heard the saying that life is a bowl of cherries. I know I talked about this simile in a post on the public site. The bittersweet taste of breathing and doing and existing can really tear into a person. There are the juicy bits that excite you and make you tremble. There are those cherries that taste like spun sugar and make you believe heaven really does exist. There are the soggy ones that disappoint you, for their skin looked so deep and rich in their vibrant color. And there are the pits that chip your teeth, choke your throat, and create more work for you. But we still eat the cherries. Why is that?

I think the same question can be asked of working out (or doing any extraordinarily grueling task). The pain, the stress, the strain can really wear a person down; we hobble out of the gym moaning and groaning; we growl at the alarm clock when it rings us out of bed earlier than we'd like; we choke down the same foods and watch with envy as others are free to care only about instant gratification. It's as if we're punishing ourselves. But in reality, the pits of training are only one aspect to the entire cherry of being fit. We are stronger for it. We appreciate life and ourselves more. We grow and mature and even create new personas as a result of our dedication and determination. We push ourselves farther than we could ever have thought possible.

I am living for today, for now, for this moment. I don't know how many this moments there will be, so I better make sure I'm pleased with the ones I've experienced. I reached a turning point while doing cardio today. I finally believe I can achieve the status of a pro. It will be so hard, so difficult, so strenuous. I may cry. I may moan in pain. I may struggle through a workout. I may crave. But what I will not do is give in.

My rest week did what it was meant to do. It gave me a bit of strength that no weights in the gym could have ever provided. My mind sits in the proper place...in support of myself. I'm not just ready for a new year. I'm ready for the new experiences that will take place within it.

The new year's entries will take you through these new experiences, and once my warm up week is over, I'll begin posting several of my workouts each week as well as an overview of my nutrition plan. Pictures will not be posted before February. At that point, I will display the beginnings of my progress into the Junior USA's. I welcome you to stay tuned. You and I will be in for quite a ride, for I will be unveiling to both of us the changes that I think I have made during this off season. I hope my physique will not disappoint!

Best wishes to all of you, and thank you so very much for being there for me.