"As a drowning man wants air, as the lover seeks their beloved, this is the way you must focus on that which you want. This intensity of concentration will remove all obstacles."

--Daniel Levin, Zen Cards

Yes, I've been thumbing through those Zen cards again! But this quote really hits home with me right now. In season officially began on New Year's Day. I went to the gym, did my chest routine, ran on the treadmill for 40 minutes straight (talk about exhausted!), and stuck to my diet one hundred percent. There is no more fooling around. This is the real deal. Food is no longer a sumptious treat meant to tantalize the tastebuds and soothe the soul. It is a means to an end.

The high amounts of protein in the form of egg whites, chicken breasts, extra lean ground turkey, bits of steak from time to time, and shakes will enable my muscles to grow. The cycling of carbs will be determined by the activity for the day. On days that are just cardio, I will obviously take in fewer complex carbs. On days that involve weight training along with cardio, complex carbs will become more abundant in the diet. I'm restricted to oats, sweet potatoes, cream of rice, and regular potatoes at the moment. My fat source will officially change this week from almonds to flaxseed oil (yucky!). I am allowed a few slices of avocado a couple of times a week depending on how my body is looking. I can have veggies like spinach, broccoli, green beans, and asparagus. I sometimes saute' onions and green peppers along with some mushrooms and add them to my egg whites or mix them in with the ground turkey, and tomatoes can be chopped up as well, but some of those items will disappear in the last six to eight weeks.

Fruit is a delicacy for me. Strawberries and raspberries will be the mainstay and the simple purpose of the fruit is to have fast-acting carbs that will get into my bloodstream immediately and provide instant energy. I tend to warm up the frozen berries and pour the juice and fruit over my plain egg whites and add a couple of packets of Splenda, and it's a tasty treat for me!

It's a rigid schedule. I eat six to seven times a day (basically every two and a half to three hours). I don't eat when I'm hungry. I eat when it's time to eat. I don't eat to savor the taste. I eat to get the calories and muscle-building properties and the energy. Again, it's all a means to an end. And my focus with the diet is dead on! No doubt about it! A friend of mine was eating a Snicker's bar in front of me. Not a drop of drool appeared on my chin. My boss munched on a chocolate truffle and presented an entire box of yummy, gooey, filled chocolate treats. It was as if my nose had turned off a switch, for I could not smell the richness of it like I normally would.

But it is my training that I am struggling with. Sure, I get in the gym and hit the weights, but I'm stopping at the rep amount that is stated on my training sheet rather than pushing for an extra three or five more. I'm stopping at the 40 minutes of cardio dictated on my plan rather than running an extra five minutes like I did in preparation for Junior Nationals last year. This cannot go on. Girls don't earn pro cards doing bare minimum. If I want this pro card badly enough, then I have to fight for it. I feel I did that to some extent yesterday in the gym.

Yesterday was an arm day, and I know it went well because my triceps are slightly pink and very sore to the touch and movement. The peak of my biceps burn everytime I flex. I used those muscles to the best of my ability yesterday. Here's what I did differently in the workout than I have done in the past few months. I added more reps until I felt like screaming. I pushed the weight until the muscle went numb and other muscles began kicking in and taking over. I even added a fourth set when only three were needed. I changed up an exercise that wasn't working too well (cable kickbacks) and switched it with one that I felt would do the trick (reverse cable pushdowns). Normally, those kickbacks would create an inferno in my triceps. Yesterday, they did nothing. I had to be creative, think quickly, and take a chance. That's what focus is about.

I also stuck with my cardio routine. I had done sprints and bounding exercises earlier in the day and ran two miles as fast as I could get this 114-pound body to go on an empty stomach (which wasn't very fast, mind you!). After the evening weight workout, I did another cardio session that lasted 45 minutes and consisted of walking on an eight percent incline for three minutes, doing alternate lunges with dumbbells for one minute, and running on a two percent incline for three minutes. My hips and butt were sore today, especially after the 40-minute session on the stepper this morning.

But it's worth it. My drive and focus are returning. I did four shows in almost as many months in 2003. It wore me down, and it's taken practically that long to recover. But I'm an obstinate little thing. Come hell or highwater, I will stand on that stage in April, in June, and in August, and be proud of the physique I'm presenting. I guarantee it or you won't see me on stage. Period!

And on that note, I'm going to eat my six egg whites and crawl into bed.

Jodi :)