Jodi Leigh Miller's Journal

Official Journal for NPC Figure Competitor and Bodybuilder Jodi Leigh Miller

Friday, September 03, 2004

I remember my first pair of glasses. I was in the third grade in Mrs. Moore's class and sat across from Joey Zemler, a blonde-haired boy who loved to tease me constantly. The desk I had was quite far from the blackboard, and I needed those tortoise-shell glasses with the round, thick lenses. Problem was, I hated those dastardly things. I wore them one day, endured Joey's antics, and vowed never to have anything slipping and sliding along the bridge of my nose ever again. And for six months, I got away with that choice. That was, until a lovely letter in Mrs. Moore's beautiful cursive handwriting gave me away:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Miller,

Jodi is a lovely girl and I enjoy having her as a student in my classroom. I have noticed just recently that she has been squinting an awful lot when I write on the blackboard, and I'm wondering if she might need glasses.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Moore

Busted! There was no worming my way out of that situation, and the following school day found me with those tortoise-shell frames sitting upon my nose, and I could suddenly see everything as clear as day. If only I had worn them in the first place, I wouldn't be in trouble now.

Hindsight is always 20/20. Most of us don't carry around crystal balls with our laptops and IPods. I don't know if we'd want to. But what we do carry with us is a detailed script of the past, one that allows us to re-examine our choices and say to ourselves, "If only...."

If only I hadn't gotten married. A few jaws might drop at that statement. Yes, I got married last October, and I've gotten divorced just recently, which explains much of my absence from the boards and the journal. Remember the house analogy from an earlier entry? I talked about how certain rooms would always have the blinds and curtains closed? That marriage was one of those rooms. And this fits with my firm belief that there is a reason for everything; for every choice that is made, for every action completed, something will ensue that will help you to travel farther in this walk of life. So I really should retract that statement, "if only I hadn't gotten married," because that's not how I really feel. It just feels good to say it. In reality, I've learned a lot of lessons...still am, in fact. But I'm able to examine the beginning to the end and see where I went wrong and realize that I kept quiet about the marriage because in my subconscious I knew it was doomed from the beginning. Why shout out to the world something that will no longer be?

This journal is only the beginning of a discussion of how our actions, coupled with the choices of others, weaves an intricate path into a future that one could easily question whether it's determined by destiny or our choices. I'm fascinated with this; hence the sudden interest in Nietzsche, who offers some really intriguing ideas regarding human behavior, values, and relationships. I'm growing every day (well...in most aspects...lol!). I'm glad I can invite you to join me.

Thank you so much for your patience with me and my absence. I will rarely do that to y'all, for you don't deserve it when you pay for a service. Just know that I appreciate all of your support!

Jodi

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