Woah...I say I'm not going to post for a few days, and what do I do? I post every single day. I tell y'all I'm going to post every other day or every week, and what do I do? The opposite, of course, which amounts to not posting for weeks on end. Amazing. I'm a piece of work, huh? Lol!

I'm learning statistics. I use the word learning quite loosely. I'm storing it in my short term memory banks and am only gathering just enough definitions and ideas to make it through the test on Friday. I haven't felt this dumb in quite awhile. (Well, let me take that back; every single time I've gone to the bathroom at this conference center this week, I've pushed the bathroom door when it says in huge gold letters to pull, and I've pulled when it clearly says to push. I'm wondering just how many more times it will take before I finally learn the difference between the pushing and pulling motions.)

Anyway, there were a ton of things I learned about my type today. If you get tired of me talking about Myers Briggs, too bad. Go take the test so you can participate in my conversation...lol! Like I said, I'm an INTJ, and when I have more time, I'll explain what my inherent trait preferences are in more detail, but the N stands for "intuition." When perceiving the world around me, I tend to focus on the big picture and pay close attention to symbolic value, metaphorical meanings, and creative methods of getting the job done. And while I can dart over to the "sensing" side of perception (this would be denoted as an "S" in your type indicator) and exhibit a very detail-oriented nature within me, it is not the innate preference of function when I examine the world around me and my choices.

But what I learned today is that my N is my dominant function. This is what steers me through life and how I tackle everything around me. It is an introverted function, so in reading my journal, you should be able to see how this plays out, as the journal is reflective of my thoughts, and I'm an introvert (an I on the type indicator). So what does this all mean. Well, usually my gut instinct is very strong and I read very deeply into everything around me. A butterfly flies in front of me while I'm walking to my car, and I see some sort of symbolic, life-changing idea in that butterfly (and I'm not kidding; I take this stuff to the extreme, which is probably why I did so well with literature in school). But when I'm under much duress or extreme stress, my dominant side hides, and my type preference flips itself to where my inferior (or least used preference) takes over, and unfortunately, when one is stressed, the inferior type is not exhibited in a positive, conducive manner. Noooo! Instead, the monster of that function comes out. So my gut instinct hides; I quit looking at the big picture; I quit looking deep into a situation and finding the true meaning within it, and instead, I focus on tiny details that have no bearing at all and I ignore all common sense.

Guess what? When I went into that bad rebound relationship after my divorce, I was under a ton of stress, depression, and lack of motivation. I had no direction, no drive, no determination. I knew the right things to do; I knew what was in my heart to do, and yet I ignored every bit of those two items. Instead, I focused on stupid details that seemed important at the time. For example, when I was considering moving to California, one of the things keeping me from going was the fact that I didn't want to part with my washer and dryer. Okay, this seems like a stupid detail, right? I mean washer and dryers are everywhere. Every single state has them. The apartment complex we were looking at had them. But all I could focus on was the fact that I could fit my queen-sized comforter into my washer and not have a problem, and I liked the look of that washer and dryer set, and I felt some sort of connection with the two appliances...like we were joined at the hip (or the spin cycle) or something. Why in the world was I so focused on something as minute as a washer and dryer? For that matter, why did I pay such close attention to lots of tiny details: vaulted ceiling, number of windows in my apartment versus the one we were looking at, size of the entryway, color of kitchen counters. These aren't earth-shattering items. They aren't going to make or break me in life. And yet they were all I could think about for six months straight whenever the rebound guy suggested I move to California.

And today, I learned why. I couldn't deal with the situation at hand and I felt out of control. My preferential type/function had gone into hiding, so my coping mechanism was to pay attention to everything but the big picture and what was truly the problem at hand. And thus, I put aside what I knew was right to do and feel in my heart and gut and instead made some mistakes and rush decisions and had to walk a long road back to some happiness and satisfaction in my own life.

Wow. It's like a therapy session on company time...lol! Saved me the trouble of going to a shrink. Woohoo! I'm normal again! Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but it is nice to re-evaluate your previous actions and see why you made certain decisions and understand the motives behind those decisions so that you don't make the same mistakes again.

I'm off to train arms now!

Jodi