Mirror mirror on the wall, which of you will give me the fairest image of myself?

I think it's a good question to ask. Take a stroll through the mall (which I'm sure many of you will be doing, considering it's the day before Valentine's), and step into several stores and gaze into your image in the mirror. Count up how many mirrors give you the same exact reflection of what you think reality is. I'd venture to guess that I have more fingers on one hand than the number of mirrors that you'll find that don't act like those crazy carnival ones.

I guess I bring this topic up because directly after cutting my hair last Saturday (yes...I cut it; I guess that's a whole other blogger issue), I walked into Victoria's Secret to look for bras. All I wanted was a classic, white, underwire bra that made me look like I had more in the breast region than I actually do. Is it too much to ask for from a lingerie-maker? Apparently it is. And asking for a mirror that displays the true Jodi and not some concocted image seems to be just as difficult of a request to meet.

So, while I did not find that perfect 34A bra (I'm almost ashamed to add on the A, but the photos don't lie, so why should I?), I did manage to find some dimples on the backs of my thighs that I never knew existed. How in the heck do mirrors do that? Do they have magnifiers installed? Or is there a dimple projector? And why would a lingerie store do that to the poor women who venture into that dimly lit room that half the time smells like old socks (just imagine the numbers of bare feet that have encountered those carpeted floors...ewww; no more bare feet while trying on clothes for me)? Doesn't Victoria's Secret want me to buy their lingerie? 'Cause I'll tell you this: I walked out of that pink-infused store empty handed. Yep...empty handed. I saw dimples in my thighs and couldn't find my breasts in bras that promised to create cleavage where the gods didn't seem to give me any, and tears sprang into my eyes, and I hightailed my little (well, according to the mirrors...big) booty out of that dressing room and out of the store. I would have expected the lingerie shop to show me having a bodacious body with voluptuous curves, including newly sprouted C-cup ta ta's. I would be buying every bra and panty in the place if that were the case. In my opinion, VS really needs to change its marketing scheme in those dressing rooms.

See, here's the funny thing. When I came home and looked in the bathroom mirror...no dimples (well, one has to look really, really close to find the dimples...and no, I'm not asking for volunteers right now; maybe later). So, what makes the Victoria's Secret mirrors different from Amanda's bathroom mirror? I really do want an answer to this. And I'll tell you, it makes me think twice about shopping at Victoria's Secret unless I'm like two weeks out from a show. And if you think I can find my breasts then (or a bra that will make me look like I have a breasts), then you obviously don't understand what breasts are made of. So basically...I think I'm going to boycott Victoria's Secret for a while. Speaking of which, why oh why are the really pretty pieces of lingerie not made for the itty bitty A-cups of the world? There are a few of us who cherish our mosquito bites and don't find a need to expand them.

I should add, though, that while Victoria's Secret drops the ball when it comes to presenting a flattering reflection of you in your knickers, the Gap does an excellent job in making you look quite lovely. And considering they do carry extra smalls in camisoles and size A-cup bras, it's a wonder I didn't stop in at that store instead. I guess I was a little lightheaded after my haircut. Yuck yuck yuck. Oh well, I had a need to leave y'all with a really bad pun.

Speaking of dimples on thighs and butts, tomorrow's my cheat day...any suggestions?

'Til the next time.

Jodi