Everything in life seems to come down to a number. One and you're by yourself. Two and you have someone with you. Three and it might be too many. An entire internet in your business, and it definitely is too many...no mights or maybes about it. Trust me. I know.

Fabulous (who I assuming is a mighty fabulous rap star, judging from the number of times this song has aired on the radio waves, though that might not be any true indication of talent these days) even agrees that it all comes down to numbers. Count your way through a situation, breathe, and count again. And remember to breathe.

One and then the two
Two and then the three
Three and then the four
Then you gotta breathe
One and then the two
Two and then the three
Three and then the four
Then you gotta breathe
Then you gotta (gasp)
Then you gotta (gasp)

I personally think I held my breathe for change in others for too long, and I had a lesson to learn. Let's just chalk 2004 up to experience. Flat out experience. I made some mistakes, put my trust and emotions in a couple of different people who ran the wrong way with it, and I held on for dear life not completely understanding that it was my life taking a detour I didn't really want to travel down...and I was the one who needed to save me.

But experiences are like drops of rain. They keep coming in torrential downpours and soak you with reality until you can't help but pay attention. I can now totally relate to Fahrenheit 451's main character, Guy Montag, when his mind becomes jumbled with drops of thoughts, uncertainties, and fears:

"One drop of rain, Clarisse. Another drop. Mildred. A third. The uncle. A fourth. The fire tonight. One, Clarisse. Two, Mildred. Three, uncle. Four, fire. One, Mildred, two, Clarisse. One, two, three, four, five, Clarisse, Mildred, uncle, fire, sleeping tablets, men disposable tissue, coattails, blow, wad, flush. Clarisse, Mildred, uncle, fire, tablets, tissues, blow, wad, flush. One, two, three, one, two, three! Rain."

In the end, all you can do is breathe. And then make your plan. And that's what I did.

Maybe y'all come to my journal to see what muscle group I'm training today, what portion of oatmeal I chose to include with my egg whites for this morning's breakfast, what bathing suit I'll choose for the latest photo shoot, and what fitness industry person I'll speak with today. I'll include those and get back on track with filling you in on those tiny details of my life, but I feel I must add in a few of my personal thoughts as well. Like breathing after your airway has been constricted and moving forward has been delayed. A relationship...well two...that suffocated me have now disappeared, and I can not only take a deep breath but also look back and examine what I did to cut off my own air and deplete myself of the very things I needed to advance and live as Jodi.

I am back in the gym. I haven't been incredibly consistent, but I believe everything occurs for a reason, and after looking back and seeing that since the age of 18, I haven't taken more than a one- to two-week break from the gym or the diet, I can see that I was seriously overtraining. I know many factors went into me not presenting the best I had to offer to the stage in 2004, but I never once considered that I needed a break. That was difficult for my mind to process. When you're used to eating a certain way and getting to the gym a certain number of times a day...a week...and it's become such a habit that you do it in your sleep and feel like an incomplete person when the routine is broken, you refuse to stray from something that might actually be deterring you from reaching your goals. Whew! Do y'all feel like breathing now, for that was a damn long sentence...lol! But hopefully you get my drift.

I don't think I've ever looked within so much to see how I affect my own outcomes. So excuse me while I go back to that...and continue to breathe. Oh yeah...this is what I've worked on in the gym the past two days with Amanda. Enjoy!

Shoulders, 1bs, and 15 minutes of cardio on Monday (hey...don't knock it...those 15 minutes make all the difference in the world...lol!)

Military press with a free bar: 3 x 15, 12, 10, 8
Overhead press with dumbbells: 3 x 15, 12, 10 (I got up to 27.5's and will be back to using 30's like I was doing in June and then surpassing that within a couple of weeks...definitely!)
Side lateral raises: 3 x 15, 15, 12 (I'm consistently using 20-pound dumbbells. I want to be back at the 25's but even with those during the summer, I was only doing six to eight and then finishing out with a drop set. Not bad.)
Bent over rear lateral raises: 3 x 18, 15, 15 (used 20-pound dumbbells; I need to remain moderately heavy but not so heavy that my rear delts overpower the rest of my shoulder.)
Front lateral raises with the cable...one arm: 3 x 15, 12, 12 (when, oh when will my front delts learn that it's okay to grow...it really and truly is okay...please, please, please grow.)

Abs: 3 sets of decline bench crunches supersetted with decline bench leg raises. Ouch! I'd like to say that again. Ouch!!

15 minutes on the stepper. My excuse for such a short cardio session? Amanda's fault. She got onto the stepper five minutes before I did and needed to only do 20 minutes. And it's just unheard of for me to continue doing cardio after someone else has already finished, and I don't have a show until the summer months, so why kill myself...right?! Lol! Seriously, though...I have to be careful and make sure I don't do too much cardio. I'm quite lean for being in the off season (which proves to me that my body needed the break, for it didn't rebound or gain weight even though I laid off of the strict diet and was inconsistent with the gym. Honestly? I remember Renee Masi...an IFBB figure pro...telling me two years ago that six months away from the gym would be the best thing I could possibly do for my body. I looked at her like she had gone completely mad. I now understand wholeheartedly with what she was saying and actually agree.). Anyway, I have to do a tiny bit of cardio but not so much that it becomes counterproductive with my muscle-gaining ability.

That being said, let's move on to today's workout...back.

Assisted pull ups: 3 x 15, 15, 12.
T-bar row: 3 x 18, 15, 12 (yaaaay! The 45-pound bar made its way onto the apparatus!)
Seated high pulley row: 3 x 15, 15, 12 (This was a new piece of equipment where you sit down like at a regular cable row, but the pulley is up higher, so the angle is different. I loved it!!)
Lat pulldown: 3 x 15, 12, 10.

Calves...I supersetted standing and donkey raises.

I feel good! And on that note, I'll end this journal entry and let y'all breathe a sigh of relief...lol!

Jodi :)