I was asked yesterday if a plastic surgeon were to offer me any procedure for free, what would I have done. I pondered over this for a few minutes before realizing that there just wasn't anything that I felt was worth arbitrarily going under the knife.

Now, ten to fifteen years ago, the answer might have been different. Breast augmentation, a nose job, Lasiks eye surgery, muscle transplantation (kidding on the last one, but those judges have been hounding me about the size differential between my quads and shoulders, and it does seem a bit easier to simply transport the muscle from one area of my body to another, doesn't it?). But I look in the mirror now and realize that this is me. Take it or leave it, this is what I was given, and I'm doing the best I can with it.

Now, y'all see photos where I've applied the make up, done my hair, and worn the right clothes. I'm in shape, and I've planned for those photos. But I see me in the morning, after workouts, in the off season after a pint of Ben & Jerry's (or two pints, if I can't decide which flavor I want...lol!). I've lived with my insecurities all my life. To me, my nose is huge, my butt is huge, my legs look like sausages (don't ask, it's the best analogy I can come up with), my breasts are small, my shoulders are small, my stomach has a tiny pooch, and my skin looks like a distant cousin of Casper, and my hair doesn't behave...ever! But that's the thing. All of these details make me...me.

I used to watch other people and wonder what it would be like to live in their shoes...just for one day. I was under the impression that other people didn't have the problems I had, didn't deal with depression or anger or insecurities or failure or fear. How wrong was I? I think that's why I wouldn't trade in being in my thirties for being 18 or 20 again. I can't think of a single thing that was occurring to me when I was younger that I'd rather experience all over again than what I'm experiencing at this moment.

To those who mock the aging process, who think that people in their thirties, forties, and beyond are missing out on life or aren't as attractive, get a grip...of reality! Life gets better as we get older. I am noticing tiny lines around my eyes (no one else notices them, but then again few people notice when the word "well" is used incorrectly in their sentences...and I do! Lol!). At times, I get scared when I see those creases. I dab more moisturizer onto the delicate skin, peer back into the mirror, and sigh in relief as the skin plumps back up again and the creases disappear. But I know that one day, the creases won't disappear. And neither will my experiences.

I don't know where life is leading me (it's a good question to ask yourself, though...does life lead you on its leash or are you the Pied Piper, singing a song that life desperately wants to follow?). But I know what I want...to be happy, successful, confident, helpful, and relaxed. That leaves a lot of openings for me, doesn't it? I don't think I'd want it any other way. I've never been one who wants to be left without options, stuck in a rut.

Honestly, though, I wouldn't have this attitude without competing and without the discipline I've needed to get through the workouts and the diet restrictions. I've had a lot of cravings this past week. I've been dying to munch. To just have the freedom to eat what I want, when I want, and the amount I want. Many people take taste for granted. You never realize how good a piece of chocolate cake is until you have had to go for six, eight, even twelve weeks without even a tiny pinch of sugar melting on the tongue. I cannot begin to describe the immense pride and satisfaction when I do look in the mirror and am pleased with the work I've done.

Weightlifting is no different than any form of art. My chisel, my pen, my brush...these are contained in the dumbbells and barbells. How I mix the colors is represented in how I choose to eat. When put together, my own, original masterpiece is created. I've done something unique, different. To have myself altered, beyond my own powers, wouldn't fit within my tools of choice. And thus, I wouldn't have a single procedure done.

Well, there is one thing...laser hair removal. This isn't to change me. It's to change time. More accurately, to save time. Girls who read this will understand. Shaving takes up 60% of my time in the shower. It's a pain in the hair follicle! The legs, the underarms, the bikini area. One day, I'm going to go European and show up at a shoot like that. Wait, come back...I'm kidding! :) But honestly, that's the only thing I'd like to make different about me. The rest, I'll either deal with or work on myself.

And let me tell you, I'm workin'! I do believe I see a difference...a tiny one, but a difference nonetheless...in my shoulders and back. I have completely revamped my shoulder workout and changed up my back workout. I've also altered my quad workout. Let me provide a list of a few of these changes:

1. Shoulders: exercises now include reverse Smith Machine press (suggestion of Big Mike on the public board as well as a Flex magazine article), drop sets with side lateral raises, drop sets with front lateral raises, heavier upright rows with negatives involved from time to time, a change from bent over rear laterals with dumbbells to rear pec deck, sometimes with drop sets. I've also put shrugs back into the equation.

2. Back: more volume. Exercises are pretty much the same, but there are more sets. I'm going beyond my threshold of pain and just attacking the muscle fibers in my lats, rhomboids, and trapezius muscles.

3. Legs: quads now receive just one exercise in the gym, sometimes without even any weight. Instead, the sprints are done twice a week, and they are much lengthier. I hate them with a passion, but I'm doing 100-, 200-, and 400-yard sprints. I'm also doing the lunges but without weight. My legs are actually more cut now than they were two weeks before Junior USA's. And I'm five weeks out (well, less than five weeks, but you get my drift).

4. Diet: I used to have avocado twice a week. That was dropped to just once a week. Carbs with my shake have been dropped from 1/2 cup of oats to just 1/4 cup of oats. I'm using blueberries instead of strawberries just to have some variety, and this week I'm cooking fish rather than chicken...again, for variety. I've dropped asparagus until the week or two weeks before the show.

5. Cardio: This is has been increased a bit. And the stepper is being used more often.

All in all, I feel stronger, better. I have a bit more energy, except for right after the workouts. It's a horrible feeling when I get done with weights and cardio and need to eat. I can't even think properly until I get my energy replenished. I'm a bit on the irritable side and just want to be left alone. I think this happens with everyone who is dieting. There are moments when your blood sugar drops a bit, you need to eat, and you just want to growl at everyone and bite their heads off. I usually get very sullen and silent, and people can tell from the look on my face to stay away. Then, after I eat, I'm back to being happy and chirpy! It's almost like Jekyll and Hyde!

On that note, it's almost time for me to eat. I will return later this week! Take care!

Jodi :)