I fly out to Connecituct in less than seven days. The show is one week from this Saturday, and I am completely amazed at how there are two sides to the coin of time passing. I think I've talked about this before, but it's almost like a car wreck. It happens so quickly...much quicker than the few seconds it takes for a person to lose control and smash into another vehicle. Yet it all occurs in slow motion and every detail can be remembered as though time just stood still and you were waiting outside of your life and witnessing the entire scene. I feel like that right now. Eight long months of preparation, and on the morning of April 17th, I will spend approximately 30 to 45 minutes in front of a panel of 11 judges (only seven of which will actually be scribbling on scorecards), and I will have lost total control of the entire scene. It will be as if the gas pedal and steering wheel have a mind of their own and all I'll be able to do is stand, smile, and pose. All the lifting, all the running, all the chicken, all the sacrifices will boil down to what the judges want on this particular morning, and they will determine that according to who shows up in the 5'2" and under height class.

It absolutely amazes me. For someone who enjoys having such control, I have chosen a field of athleticism that rips the control from my slightly calloused hands and places it in the hands of subjectivity.

But here's what I see in my physique as of today:

I weighed 105 to 106 pounds this morning. I was holding water yesterday and was a little flat in the muscles after a low carb day, but I'm up to almost two gallons of water a day, and I got rid of the water throughout the night with almost hourly trips to the bathroom. Doesn't make for peaceful sleeping!

I weigh 107 pounds in the evening after my meals. This is good. I'm not holding too much water...just enough to know that it'll drop easily when the show approaches.

The veins in my abs are appearing. In fact, I've noticed new ones on my body that I haven't seen in previous years. This is exciting to me. I enjoy being vascular.

My shoulders are shredded. My back is shredded. I think my two concerns going into this show is that I'll be too lean and too ripped. But I've always been concerned about that, so this is nothing new. And I'd rather be told I'm too conditioned than too fat. I respect one look and not the other, for the other is a sign that you didn't do your homework, no matter what the judges have decided about trophies and placings.

I have not lost any muscle mass in my shoulders or back due to increasing cardio in the past few weeks. Part of the reason for this is because I've cycled the increases with some decreases, and I've listened to my body. My carb intake continually changes as does the amount of time I spend doing cardio. It's a little like a roller coaster. Up and down, up and down, up and down, until I gradually see the changes I want to see.

My legs have dropped dramatically in the past two weeks. My quads are always the last to come in. It's sooo frustrating, for they are the one muscle group that the judges seem to dislike the most on me. The basic reason is because of their blockiness. But my tear drop has...well...dropped. My quad sweep has increased, and the overall size has decreased. My glutes and hamstrings are tighter and better. My calves are slightly bigger (still a weak point, but this is partly genetics, which I see as a gambling game. I'll take better glutes and give up good calves. I'll accept awesome biceps and forego a flat stomach with obvious lower abs.).

Speaking of abs, mine are much better than they were last year. I neglected them in 2003. I didn't in 2004. Enough said.

My suits are beautiful. Well, they're still in construction. But they will be spectacular. I have faith in my seamstress. She keeps pushing the appointments to different days, but she always does an incredible job, and the stress of it all is worth it when I can feel like a princess on the day of the show because of her efforts and creativity.

I've been receiving such wonderful e-mails, especially from other competitors. Everyone says this is my year to turn pro. I'm not scared this time around. I'm confidant that I have a physique that can stand on a pro stage, but I'm also very much aware of the fact that I'm not the one to make this decision. It's out of my hands, guys. Completely out of my hands. But the support I've received from everyone, the well wishes, the compliments, the inspiration makes every moment of this worth it.

I have a thirst to quench. The stage is my desert, the trophy my water. I hope it won't be a mirage this time around.

Thank you to everyone!

Jodi