“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” A worn out cliché, but essentially a true one in many circumstances.

It definitely applied to this past weekend. On a chilly morning in a poor section of New Haven, Connecticut, I walked into the performing arts center that would hold the secrets of what was meant to be for me at the 2004 Junior USA’s. Confidence had reigned inside of me within the past 48 hours, but a sense of concern draped it with a heavy curtain as I saw my class of 5’2” and under competitors.

What I saw as major improvements in my shoulder development was soon dwarfed by the thick, round, ropy delts on the other girls. I knew going into the show that I would be the shortest, tiniest one up there, but being backstage only reinforced that. It would later hurt me.

Beautiful suits, perfect tan, new hairstyle, excellent make up, good conditioning, smaller legs, tighter waist, wider lats, thicker shoulders, better chest development. None of these were enough. I was in the first call out in the one piece, but I was the fifth number called to the center of the stage. I’ve done enough shows. I know what this means. I knew it would predict the outcome of not only the two-piece call out, but also the finals that evening. I walked to the center of the stage and stood in the same position, and in those five minutes, knew that eight months of work, sacrifice, and pain had led to a placing that was below my expectations for this show.

Did I deserve first? No. I can honestly state that I didn’t. The girl who won my class deserved to. Better lines. To comment on the other girls wouldn’t be fair to them. I know they all worked hard. I do feel that I could have been put into third place and it would have been a correct decision. But the judges didn’t feel that way, and so I must be satisfied with my fifth place trophy.

Dejected? I was after pre-judging. I was kind of pissed, to tell you the truth. I’m competitive. I think to be blasé about the whole thing would mean that I’m not willing to work harder for what I want the next time a show comes around. Monica Brant was criticized for gritting her teeth and letting her smile drop when she was announced second place for the first, second, and third times of being on the pro figure stage. I don’t blame her. When you bring excellent conditioning to the table and good lines and have done what the judges tell you, then you expect to reap the benefits.

Now, let me say this. After the finals, I did swallow my pride, put my ego aside and head over to the head judge and ask for her input. I was pleasantly surprised. The biggest disadvantage I have is my size. I’m tiny boned and have a small and narrow frame. I have thick, dense muscle bellies from the waist down. The two need to be balanced out with more width, broadness, and thickness in my shoulders. Figure is a shoulder and lat game. The more width you have on top, the smaller in the middle you are, the better your placing will be. Go look at all the photos of the pros who make it in the top five on a regular basis, and my point will be proven.

I have a lot of work ahead of me in the next eight weeks. I’m headed to Seattle tomorrow morning (8 a.m. flight) and cannot change much except a tad bit of conditioning by the time the Friday night show arrives. I’m okay with that. This show, the Jr. USA’s…both were guinea pigs. I wanted my face and my body out there for the judges to see. I wanted to practice posing. I wanted feedback. Junior Nationals will be a much more important show, and last year I got better and better with every show. The same will be true this year.

Ultimately, I’m pleased. I advanced from seventh place last year to fifth place this year at this show. I have remained in the top five. The head judge told me I could continue moving up in the ranks with the changes I promise to make. But the most important thing that came out of this is the reaction I had from fellow competitors and fans. I couldn’t have asked for more support, and this very thing is what keeps me going, no matter whether I deserve a placing or not, get a placing I want or not. I’m beginning to realize that each show is a stepping stone to another place in my life. I may or may not rise in the ranks of figure, but I can rise in the ranks of mental and emotional strength.

I promise to have a much more detailed report of the Emerald Cup experience when I return. I have to repeat that whole day-before-the flight-for-the-show process of cooking today. I’m pretty much packed, though! It’s not hard to do when you have two trips in a row: dump contents of suitcase in washing machine, dump them back into the suitcase; leave all toiletries in suitcase and grab as needed and then place them back in the suitcase; leave suits and heels and photo shoot clothes where they were. It’s the cracking of egg whites, the microwaving of potatoes, the slicing and dicing of veggies, and the cooking of chicken that is the real pain. But I love the results, so I’ll do what is needed to succeed in my eyes.

I will talk with y’all when I return early next week!

Jodi :)