I'm about to jump in the shower and get ready to head to the airport. The flight takes off at 11:30, and I still have a bit of packing to do--mostly toiletries that I need for getting ready this morning. Packing last night was a true chore! I have so many photo shoots that it was difficult to know what to bring and what to leave at home. Plus, I'm staying in Chicago for an extra week and need regular clothes. (If they'll still fit after I stuff my face with chocolate and pizza...lol! I shouldn't be too bad though. I have no cravings right now, oddly enough.)

I have tons to write and just haven't had a chance, so tonight, when I'm sitting in the den of my grandmother's condo, I'll post more. I am nervous. The anxiety hit yesterday. The self confidence took a brief dip a couple of times in the day, but I think it's rising back up. It'll be back in time for the show. In previous shows and previous years, I normally wouldn't be this calm or this pleased, so I don't mind experiencing a few moments of self doubt.

I think preparing for a show is much like a sunrise. The darkness of the night sky sits still and flat against the tips of the tress, much like my muscles. And on most days, when the clouds don't interfere, the sun quietly creeps up and sneaks a bit of light here and there before infusing the sky with vibrant colors. That is, if the weather is behaving. If my body behaves, then my muscles should quietly fill out and make an impact on the stage. That is, if the weather is behaving. If my insides are filled with rain and doubt, then my cortisol levels rise because of stress. Stress is an invasion of the body, and thus water floods into the body to protect it from an enemy. And my muscles are hidden, just like the sun would be if the clouds opened their mouths and bawled. I have to remain calm, subdued. I also have to trust that everything in the plan is the right thing to do. And I have to trust my body to respond accordingly. Ultimately, I have control over what goes into my body, what actions my body performs, and what thoughts enter my mind and are uttered from my mouth, but I don't have control over the judges or how other girls show up on stage.

I know everyone interested in this show and in figure is watching to see what will happen this time around. Please just watch and see if I made improvements over me. Is this Jodi better than the last Jodi that stepped on stage? If your answer is yes, then I did my job properly. And no trophy, no placing, no pro card would ever change that.

If for some reason I get too wrapped up in the food preparations for the weekend (those cookies take some time to bake, you know...lol! Oh yeah, and the chicken and egg whites!), I just want to say thank you. You have supported me much more than you realize, and I am so grateful, so appreciative for your attention and your words. Even if you just lurk in the shadows of this site and never say a word, I still know you are there and you are wishing the best for me. Thank you very much!

Jodi :)